I suddenly woke up feeling dizzy around six or seven at night. I realized my mom still wasn’t home so it gave me time to clean myself up. I put on a long sleeve t shirt; hiding the scars and blood all over my arms and clothes. I then washed my face, removing all the stained blood from my nose. I obviously couldn’t do anything about my eye or the fact my nose looked twice its usually size. Half my face was one big bruise. I turned on the tv and tried to rest a little. I turned on my computer and saw I had many emails from Harry. All they kept asking was if I was alright, which obviously I wasn’t.
I began flipping through channels when I saw the x factor was on. The acts began to perform and I saw that Harry was in a band now; One Direction. I smiled to myself seeing how things were obviously going well. I really haven’t been supporting him on the show since I’ve been feeling so down and all I wanted to do was get away from everything.
When they all began performing I realized how good they were. And I also soon saw that Niall was in the band which made me much happier. After they finished their song, there was a announcement from the show. They began saying how the final acts would get to soon go home and see their friends and families. And then they gave the date. Which was tomorrow. And I look like shit. Crap. I decided to get some beauty sleep and stop thinking about Harry for a bit.
I woke up around eleven since I didn’t feel like going to school. I could barely open my right eye. I went down to the kitchen were my mom sat at the table with a plate of breakfast for me.
I ran upstairs, wanting to get dressed and actually look nice if I ran into Harry. I know the group would be doing some promotional stuff around town, and as much as I wanted to see him, I didn’t want him seeing me the way I was. I threw on a pair of black skinny jeans and a jack wills sweatshirt. I ran downstairs, threw on my shoes, and left the house walking towards town.
Tons of girls were out; obviously. I soon realized why. I began walking in the direction were I barely saw people. I sat down in the park with my head down making sure no one I knew saw me; by anyone I meant Harry. I realized an hour had passed so I began walking back home.
I threw my hood over my face so no one could see I got beat up. From a distance I heard tons of girls screaming. I turned a street were the screaming began to get louder and louder. I was trying to avoid it but it was kinda hard.
I put my ipod headphones in trying to block out the noise. As I was walking I felt someone grab my waist and spin me around. I met Harry face to face. I couldn’t help but begin crying and I wrapped my arms around him and passionately kissed him. His lips felt warm and welcoming, and as we kissed the crowds screams began to die down as they all saw that Harry had me. I released from the kiss and saw his smile fade as he looked up and down at me noticing my wrists and beat up face.
He stroked my wrists feeling them up and down and then looking at my eye.
We began walking and I soon realized there were cameras around us. Everyone now knew who I was. Crap. While walking, tons of the girls still followed. As the walked behind me they began yelling things at me. Slut. Whore. Worthless. Bitch. Needs to die.
I ran over to him and gave him a hug realizing how hard it is to not have anyone to talk to. I really did miss him. We soon got to my house were I was greeted by my mom who was actually more welcoming than she ever has been.
It was strange since she was never that welcoming. Especially when it came to Harry. I let the boys help themselves to the fridge and let them do whatever they want. Harry and I went up to my room. He shut the door then went and sat on my bed. I decided to sit right next to him, and noticed he was looking at my scars.
I looked over onto the side table by my bed where I noticed there lied a blade.
I began to sob. I just broke down and cried. I soon realized Harry was doing the same thing.
And out of nowhere he just barged out of the room and went running down the stairs and out the door. I ran after him, running down the stairs sobbing.
The living room went silent and I turned my head and saw all the boys staring at me. I just quickly ran up to my room and laid right in the middle of my room feeling like it was the end of everything.
I just stood there. I really had no idea what to do with myself. Harry meant the world to me and it all hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw him standing there with tears in his eyes. I looked at both of them before I pushed my way past Niall, stumbling up the stairs to my room. Everything was over now. It really was. I was constantly in danger which didn’t help all the thoughts going through my head about Harry.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. And it was Niall who I honestly didn’t want to talk to for a very very long time.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT NIALL?!”
” I just wanted to say, I’m so so so sorry. For everything. I never meant to hurt you and Harry’s relationship.”
“ Well ya kinda did. I’m guessing he’ll never talk to me again. It’s all just gone way out of hand. You guys should just go back to London. I’ll be fine on my own. If anything happens to me, I might as well deserve it.”
” Stop saying things like that. No one deserves to hurt you like that. Well anyways, if you want, in the next couple of weeks it’s the finals. And I was wondering if you’d like to come! You can bring a friend or whatever I don’t care.”
” Thanks but I have no friends and I don’t know if I should.”
“ Brenna might come if that makes you feel better. Well I gotta go back to London now… soo uhh… I really am TRULY sorry. I really am.”
I got up off my feet and actually walked over to give him a hug. I ended up in tears knowing I wouldn’t see him for awhile, even though I was still pretty upset. I walked with him down the stairs and said my goodbye’s to all the guys before they greeted Harry outside to get into a gigantic range rover. I met his eyes for a split second which made my heart race and I forced a smile. He didn’t even catch it and he just got right in the car not caring whatsoever.
————
For the next couple of weeks I was alone with my mom who decided to hire a tutor after seeing my conditions from school. I basically felt depressed all the time. I did nothing when I wasn’t tutoring. I would just sit staring at the wall or just sit and staring at a blank tv screen. Nothing could satisfy me and nothing made me feel happy. I felt so alone. Once in awhile I would pick up a blade and just look at it wondering if I should or not. But then I would be constantly reminded of Harry’s face when he ran his fingers up and down the scars.
My mom didn’t even care anymore. All she did was go to London and do some work. I never really knew if I loved my mother anymore since she doesn’t even acknowledge me when she comes home for a day. She might not even see me for a week and she’ll just walk in and see me staring at nothing and walk right past me. As I said, feeling alone and no one even cares.
———————
2 weeks later…….
Well, tonight is the finale and I’m walking back and forth around my room. My mom decides to come greet me and I really don’t care. She begins looking around at my vanity and see’s the ticket to the finals tonight.
” Honey do you want me to take you to the finals?”
” I don’t know if I should go.”
She began shuffling around in my closet and she pulled out a nice black dress. I could show off my body a little now that I’ve healed but I still don’t know if I should go.
”Your miserable without him. Get dressed and freshen up or you’ll be punished if you don’t go.”
And she just walks out of my room like that…. what the fuck. She’s never like this but whatever. I eventually got dressed and put on a little makeup and brushed my hair. When I got downstairs she was already outside in the car. I took my bag and made sure I had everything in it especially the ticket.
It took about 3 hours to get there but we pulled up in front of the stadium. Of course, she told me to be safe and all that other stuff. I slowly walked through the door and people actually began to notice who I was. And they weren’t being annoying and mean like I’m used to… I began to hear tons of girls screaming ahead so I ran up to see if it was one of the boys. And it was Niall. I smiled and ran past them all. He noticed me and pulled me into a big hug. I was genuinely happy to see him and tons of fans were taking pictures of us talking and giving hugs which was weird for me… He took my hand and lead me backstage.
” Wait here. The results are about to be revealed if we win and I gotta go out onstage.”
“ Okay. Good luck.”
As he ran out Harry turned around to see where Niall was coming from. He soon saw me and actually smiled the biggest smile as a tear ran down his cheek. He actually wanted me to be here. The lights dimmed and the results were in. I began to shake and get nervous for their sake and I really did want them to win. The crowd obviously agreed since they all cheered, “ONE DIRECTION, ONE DIRECTION.”
And the winner is….. ONE DIRECTION!
I jumped up for joy and all the other contestants ran out to congratulate them. Niall came over to me and pulled me on stage. I had no idea what to do, but that all changed when I saw Harry. I ran into his arms wrapping my legs around him and he held me and kissed me. I began crying and everything just felt so perfect.
“I love you…. I just love you soo much.”
———————
chapter 17
Everything was perfect at that exact moment. I just kept thinking: he still loves me as much I love him. He had no idea that his microphone was on the whole time, so the whole crowd realized how serious our relationship was. We slowly walked hand in hand off stage. All the guys smiled at Harry seeing how happy he was; except Louis. He was giving me a death stare. How lovely. We walked down the long hallway which was mostly made up of dressing rooms. I followed Harry every step of the way as people smiled at me oddly. They obviously knew who I was. It was such a weird experience. At the end of the hall was a a door with the the sign ‘one direction’ written on it. Inside was all their outfits and makeup and things like that. Sprawled out on the couch was Niall who was eating some pretzels. He smiled at Harry and I and then came up to me as Harry went to go get undressed.
“I’m happy for you too. I really am. What did you think of the show?”
“I only saw a little, but it was amazing. I’m so happy for you guys! Uh.. have you seen Louis?”
”I don’t know… he looked upset about something and he stormed out not long ago. But seriously, don’t get yourself into more trouble. The second Harry saw you, he was in a daze. You know how much he loves you so don’t start ANYTHING with Louis.”
” I won’t. But I feel so bad. I mean, I did kiss him… and it felt real a-“
“STOP IT! Seriously, just get him out of your head! God!”
“ YOUR THE ONE THA-“
I stopped myself and I saw Harry coming in the room. A smile appeared on his face when he saw me but Niall looked so pissed. Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head. Harry motioned me over to him and he walked out of the room and I followed him, but looked back at Niall who was too focused on something else. I felt like crying. But I held back the tears and linked hands with Harry.
” I’m going to take you out to dinner first, and I’ll show you around the city a bit.”
I realized we haven’t had a proper date yet. All we did was sit at home or see each other in school. The second we walked out the back door, photographers were everywhere trying to get as close as they could. I looked down at my feet trying to not get too annoyed by all the flashes. Harry gave my hand a small tug and I looked up at him as he began to run. We ran down the block laughing and never letting go of each other. We soon found a taxi and quickly got in. It took about five minutes to get to where we had to go; and I had no idea where we were. It was really dark, and I couldn’t see anything. Harry led me out of the car telling me to keep my eyes closed. I kept stumbling on my feet as he led me through the darkness. Finally, I stepped on something wobbling. It felt like some weird pathway. Harry then scooped me up into my arms and jumped over some step or gap. I obviously wasn’t sure since my eyes were still closed.
He put me down. “Open your eyes. I hope its not too romantic or cheesy.” When I finally did open my eyes, we were on a boat and it was covered in small sparkling lights. In the middle of it was a perfectly set table. Roses were planted nicely in spots around the boat. It brought tears to my eyes knowing he thought to do something so beautiful for me.
“If you want we can go somewhere else for dinner.”
” No. Harry, this is beautiful. How did you do it? You didn’t even know I was coming to London.”
“I don’t know… I just had a feeling you would show up. Niall told me he gave you tickets but wasn’t sure if you were coming.”
“ But this is just perfect. Thank you.”
I kissed him lightly on the lips and he then walked me over to the table. For about three hours we rode around London and I saw all the wonderful things about the city. He really wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to show me around. We actually talked about everything that happened and I apologized for everything with Louis and all he did was say sorry about how he wasn’t there for me when I was in pain. I could tell how sorry he was. Eventually, the boat stopped in front of a big apartment building. Harry got out first and then helped me get off.
When we exited he lead me into the apartment building quietly.
“Wait is this your apartment?”
” Yeah we’ve been living here. Shh, the boy’s are probably all sleeping.”
We tip-toed into his room which even in the dark, was quite messy. I closed the door behind me and then tripped on something and fell on Harry. I landed on top of him on the bed. I felt him breathing against my chest and he slowly pulled me in for a kiss. He began tugging at the end of my dress and I our lips kept moving as he un-zipped my dress and I un-did the buttons on his shirt. He began feeling me up and kissing me up and down my chest. My breathing began to deepen and I let out small moans slowly. I slowly got on top of him.
“Are you sure your ready.”
” Positive. I love you.”
———————
I woke up in bed by myself entangled in the sheets. There was a note on the side of left side of the bed:Went for a jog. Be back soon x. I smiled to myself and slowly got up and stretched to go look for some sort of clothes. I pulled out a Jack Wills t shirt and a pair of boxers. I walked out the door exploring the apartment which was pretty amazing. I really couldn’t see last night since everything was so dark. The whole place was really modern and kinda messy but it really didn’t matter. I smelled food so I tried to find the kitchen and I finally did. The only person in there was Louis. He looked up at me with that death stare thing again.
” Hey….”
” Hi. Do you want breakfast?”
Without an answer, he was already fixing me up a plate of eggs and bacon. I sat down at the table in silence as he ate across from me. He once in awhile looked up at me but I soon broke the silence.
“Why did you kiss me?”
” Don’t act like it’s all my fault. You kissed me back.”
” Well yeah but you seem so pissed that Harry and I are okay now. You’re the one that told me everything was going to be fine.”
” Not until I realized I actually liked you. A lot. You have no idea how beautiful you are. All I’m mad about is I can’t have you while Harry, my best friend, can. It just makes it a little harder.”
I gulped and soon Niall walked in which was a relief until I realized he was mad at me. He gave me the look as in ‘Don’t get too attached’ and helped himself to the fridge. He motioned me to the living room and I followed him. We sat down on the couch when soon Zayn and Liam walked in. They both were laughing about something and then clued is in.
” Hey did anyone else hear a lot of loud moaning last night? That shit woke me up.”
—————————
chapter 18
Well this was awkward. Soon Louis walked into the room which made it even more awkward. All I can say is, we tried to be quiet. Niall was actually laughing a lot so I felt like he was back to his normal self. But sooner or later he pulled me out of the room and out on to their balcony. When we walked out, the view was beautiful and we both sat down on two chairs that were laid out. He looked at me in a very sorry manner.
“Look, I’m really sorry for yelling at you yesterday. Its just, I worry about you and Harry’s one of my best friends and I care about him too so…. um. I’m sorry again.”
“I’m sorry too. I really shouldn’t have even kissed Louis or had any feelings for him. And it sucks to fight with you cause your my best friend.”
I hugged him and then we both walked off the balcony in relief. Harry came back and was seated on the couch with all the other boys eating some breakfast that was left over. I ran over and sat next to him as he put his arms around me. He placed a kiss on my forehead and I smiled to myself but noticed Louis staring at us. He sighed and excused himself running into his room and slamming the door shut. Niall looked straight at me and sighed trying to break the awkwardness.
“So what are you two love birds gonna do today?”
I was up to anything but I just really wanted to spend the day with Harry.
“Um, well I was thinking maybe you and I could just walk around the city and maybe get some lunch?”
“ Sounds good to me! I should go get dressed.”
I brushed my teeth and totally forgot that my mom actually packed me some clothes. I threw on a pair of jeans, white converse, and a black v-neck shirt. I was never the type to get all dolled up for a guy or actually put effort into what I wear. I was pretty laid back. I brushed my hair and put on a dab of lip gloss. I walked out into the living room where Harry was waiting. He had on a button down shirt and jeans along with some converse as well. He took my hand and walked out the door.
When we got to the lobby of the apartment building, we could see through the glass doors that photographers were everywhere. I still gotta get used to all this. They were screaming my name and I kept trying to actually look pleasant so I kept a smile on my face til we got to the car. When could Harry drive? Oh well.
We drove to a really nice restaurant that was all seated outside. We got a small nice table in the back so we could actually be alone. Last night, we barely talked about how the x factor went so he told me everything and how much he really missed me. He then asked me about what really was going on in school and how people were treating me and I told him everything. I never really wanted to talk about it, but he had to know. Last night, he brought it up a few times about how he was sorry and he looked heartbroken when I told him more, especially that half the people that did those things to me, were his best friends.
We finished lunch and walked around the city a bit looking in stores and such. A few fans actually walked up to us and told as how cute we are together. I couldn’t help but smile half the time and it made him blush. A lot. We walked into a really pretty jewelery store, and I began looking around. I fell in love with a bracelet but Harry insisted that he had to get it for me. It was a silver band with an engraved H on it which made it even more special.
We went back to the apartment about five hours later. All day was just perfect. We sat around the house doing nothing watching tv and browsing the internet. All the guys decided to go somewhere so Harry and I decided to take a ride to the supermarket and get some food and snacks.
We made a lovely dinner and sat down in front of the t.v watching pointless movies and then stuffing our faces with tons of candy and popcorn. We then kissed a little until it began to become more than that but we had to stop when Liam barged in through the door. We all laughed hysterically and then he joined us by eating all the rest of the snacks. Everything was perfect and I was happy.
—————-
chapter 19
I woke up the next morning rather tired after the night before. We all staid up til about one in the morning. IstIumbled out of Harry’s bed into the kitchen where Harry was sitting on his computer drinking a cup of orange juice.
“Good morning beautiful.”
My heart skipped a beat and I smiled slightly before wrapping my arms around his neck and giving him a peck on the cheek. I then realized I had to go home today. I began thinking about it all. How I would leave Harry for even a longer period of time. And sooner or later my mom wanted me to go back to school and not be home schooled. I didn’t want to go back to all the kaos. Things were perfect the way they were. I sat down at the counter in the kitchen not wanting to eat. Harry also didn’t seem too happy either. He seemed kind of down.
“So, Iove. I gotta take you home today.”
“I know. I really don’t want to Harry.”
“I know. I don’t want you to go either. None of us do. Your mom called me about an hour ago and says she wants you home in the next three hours or so. Maybe we can still spend the day together back home.”
I smiled and then nodded. I walked down the hall to Harry’s room and organized some of the clothes I had. It took a matter of five minutes since I had nothing. Harry came in shortly after.
“You don’t mind if I get dressed in front of you…. right?”
“Uh-uh-uh. no. no not at all.”
I sat on the bed fiddling around with the covers and slowly watched as he took off his white v-neck and black boxers. I never really saw him like this since when we actually had sex it was dark. He slightly turned his head and grinned. I looked down not wanting him to know I was staring a little. Before I know it, we were both on the bed; him undoing the buckle on my pants as I ran my hands up his chest.
“Sorry to barg in…..”
“Oh god Zayn what are you doing here?!”
We all laughed to cover up the akwardness. Zayn slowly walked out as Harry and I got dressed… again. I looked at the time and realized we should probably start heading home. We walked out into the living room where I said my goodbye’s to the boys. Especially Niall. I was really upset I wouldn’t see him for awhile. I walked down the stairs from the apartment and got into the car and before I knew it I was home.
I was surprised that outside my house were tons of people waiting to take pictures of us. I just kind of ran out with Harry by my side into the house. My mom was waiting for us. She was happy to see me but I think she’s actually got used to me being with Harry. By now she should realize he makes me happy. I walked up the stairs to my room and threw everything on my bed.
“We should go do something. I don’t wanna waste my time at home.”
“I’m actually a little hungry.”
“Me too. Don’t you wanna visit your mom for now though?”
“I think she understands that we both should just spend some time together now.”
We ignored all the crowds of people waiting. But one group caught my eye. It was all the people that decided to cause me enough pain that I wanted to die. My grip tightened around Harry’s arm. He looked down at me as we walked and realized that these were the friends I was talking about when I said they attacked me constantely while he was gone.
“Oh hey Harry! We haven’t seen you around for awhile! Congrats about the winning a few nights ago.”
“Uhm, hey guys. We actually gotta go. But thanks.”
He wasn’t enthusiastic to see them at all. Obviously. We started to walk away but they began following us.
“Oh okay Harry. I see how it is. Just forget about us and hang out with your slut. We are just nothing to you obviously.”
Harry stopped walking and turned around and let go of my arm.
“Shes. not. A. Slut. If you guys were actually my true friends you wouldn’t have decided to practically kill her behind an ally way behind my back. I actually love her. Okay?! Just don’t talk to me again guys. Ever.”
“Hm, oh really Harry?”
Suddenly Harry turned around and punched his best friend in the face. All I heard was a crack before Harry grabbed my arm and we began walking again. I didn’t want me coming in the way of his friends but in a way, that kid did deserve it.
“I’m sorry about that love. I love you and I just can’t stand there and let them say that in front of me.”
“I can’t believe you did that. I love you too.”
—————
chapter 20
Hm, well so after all of that, Harry and I just walked around a little and then headed back to my house. We sat on the couch for a little and just browsed through channels as I sat in his arms. My mom had to go to do some work stuff in London so left us both alone. Tomorrow I had school, and the fact that Harry was now staying the night when he was supposed to go back home made everything a little tense for me. I didn’t want him to go but I also didn’t wanna try going back to school. It also made it harder for him since he was supposed to be back in London about two hours ago but he decided to stay the night.
“Hm, I think we should order a pizza.”
I stumbled out of his arms and over to the kitchen table looking through the tiny phone book my mom had put together of places to order from.
About fifteen minutes later the pizza came and we both just watched movies and talked about the X Factor. We always seem to, but Harry always likes to bring up the fun things they did and all the friends they made.
It was suddenly very late and before I knew it Harry was asleep on my shoulder and I suddenly fell into a deep sleep as well.
———————————————————
I woke up at around seven in the morning quickly running up and down the stairs to gather my school stuff while Harry just sat at the table drinking coffee.
“Uh harry?! Don’t you also have to get dressed and stuff?”
“No not really. I just kinda throw on anything and and whoosh my hair around.”
“Oh lucky you.”
He got up as I brushed my hair in the hallway and threw on my jacket. He told me he’s drive me to school so I just quickly ran into the heated car since it was actually really cold outside. The second I sat down and waited for Harry to get in the driver’s seat it hit me; I wouldn’t be seeing Harry for awhile now. These past few days were amazing. I spent every possible second with him and now they’re almost gone. My heart sank and I just sat in the car looking straight ahead trying not to cry. Harry got in the car and just kind of sat there too.
When we pulled up to the school, as always people were crowded around us including Harry’s friends we saw yesterday.
“Uh here. Let me walk you inside and help you with your books.”
I was okay with it being that I would still get to spend at least another five minutes with him. It was better than nothing. We walked down the long hallway as tons of girls just screamed and looked at us in shock that Harry would actually come back for awhile. He held my hand tight until we got to my locker. I just began staring down at my feet knowing if I looked at him, the tears I was holding back would be noticeable. I slowly looked up to see a tear run down his cheek.
“Well, this is goodbye for now.”
I just dropped my stuff on the floor and wrapped my arms around him not being able to let go. I let go of my grip and he slowly kissed me as everyone watched. I noticed that I was soon crying,
“Goodbye love. I’ll miss you.”
I finally let go of his hand and watched as he walked down the hall. I called after him.
“I love you Harry.”
He slowly turned around before walking out the door.
“I love you too babe.”
———————————
chapter 21
Nothing’s happened lately. The boys are already working on their album, so I haven’t seen Harry in about three months. We video chat at least once a day if we can. He constantly asks about school if anything has happened to me. I’m actually relieved because nothing actually has happened. His ‘friends’ who started it all keep their distance when they see me in the hallway.
As proud as I am of them, I try to keep my mind off of them. It just can be hard to see pictures of them and interviews on tv. When I do watch one, I realize how much I miss Harry and I then decide to eat my feelings away. Whenever I felt like going to London on the weekends to try and see Harry, I knew I had no luck since I would possibly never be able to see him because of all the plans.
———————-
It was now Spring break and I had literally nothing to do. The only people I’ve actually really became good friends with were Harry and Niall. I just sat in the living room everyday watching tv and ordering food as my mom went for business all the time to different cities. But today, it was a normal Tuesday and I sat browsing the channels while she stood in the kitchen cooking for the first time. Suddenly the phone rang, I heard her mumbling on it for awhile and I knew she’d probably have to leave again.
“Oh honey, you’ve been stuck in this house forever.”
“Well mom, there’s nothing to do.”
“Well, as you know, I have some business in London and it’s only eight in the morning so why not take a drive down there and you can actually do something with your life.”
I sighed and just got up and when straight to my room. I got into a pair of blue skinny jeans and a buttoned down black silk top. I paired it with some white converse and then I walked downstairs to be greeted by my mom.
—————————
She dropped me off on a busy street full of shops which I walked down for awhile just browsing the windows and buying a few cute tops. I suddenly reached a music store with millions and millions of girls standing outside. I then looked at the date on my phone and saw today was the day Up All Night came out. Girls had carrots and cats with them which made me laugh. They were letting people who just wanted to go into the store go buy what they needed to buy so I decided to go and see if I can get a glimpse of the boys.
I could barely hear a thing since I felt as if my ears were about to fall off. I still wasn’t used to all this attention they were getting. I slightly got on my tiptoes to see if I can see Harry. I saw a mop of curls and slowly smiled to myself.
I began trying to sneak around to try to get to the table. Security obviously noticed me and began trying to motion me to back away. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to stand on line for my boyfriend or be kicked out. Somehow, I got behind the screen that stood behind the table and my heart began beating really fast because I really did miss Harry more than anything. I turned around to make sure no one was standing behind me to try and stop me.
I ran behind the screen as quickly as possible and all the fans looked confused. The boys didn’t notice til I tapped Harry on the shoulder. He slowly turned around and his mouth dropped and he stood up as quick as possible and scooped me up into his arms and kissed me harder than he ever has. I couldn’t help but begin crying as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Oh my god Harry, I missed you so much.”
——————
chapter 22
I felt as If I couldn’t let go of him. Cameras kept snapping at us which was basically blinding me. I finally let go of him and moved on to giving all the other boys hugs. Louis’s hug was a little awkward and its been awkward since the whole thing we had going for awhile. Niall literally scooped me up and lifted me into the biggest hug. I couldn’t help but laugh since we were such good friends.
I walked back to Harry who told me to just sit behind them til the signing was over. Some fans would actually stop and say hi to me which was nice or tell me I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I usually would think everyone hates me. I mean I have gotten hate before, but this wasn’t bad.
Soon the signing was over and we had to go through the back of the store since some fans were still in the front. Louis was acting all hyper and happy as usual and kept asking if we wanted to go clubbing or something. I was kinda up for it actually. I remember actually leaving a cute black dress at Harry’s so I would wear that.
We drove in a black mercedes van for awhile til we got back to there apartment. The first thing we did was just go straight to our rooms and get dressed. It was around nine o’clock so we’d all be ready by ten. I sat on Harry’s bed all ready and dressed for now and watched him take forever to actually find an outfit.
“Your worse than me when it comes to getting dressed.”
He began laughing with me when he realized it’s taking him forever to find an outfit.
“Harry, you look good in anything. Just throw on a white v-neck and some black jeans.”
He did so, and just like last time I caught myself looking at him as he got undressed and his calvin klein boxers showed right under his jeans after he put them on. He then looked straight in the mirror and flipped his hair before walking over to me. I stood up from the bed and walked over to him as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
“You always look so beautiful.”
I gave him a soft kiss and then we both walked out into the living room where everyone sat and waited for us. We walked outside all together where for the first time no one was actually waiting with cameras or anything. We all just took Harry’s Range Rover to Louis favorite club. Louis seems to know a lot about these things. Well, as long as I’ve known him he can be wild and have as much fun as possible. When we got there, everyone was too busy dancing to notice that the boys were there, and you can tell everyone was under age. I didn’t let go of Harry’s arm being the fact I was in a sea of people who smelled like vodka and sweat.
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Eventually, I found Niall dancing with some people and Louis drunk out of his mind grinding up on some girl. Liam was sitting quietly on a couch browsing his phone. I later found Zayn flirting with some girl but, I couldn’t find Harry. I began to feel sort of dizzy so I decided to go outside and get some fresh air to calm me down a bit.
The second I got to the door I bumped into someone. The second I looked up to try and say sorry, I saw Harry and some blonde girl kissing very intimately against each other. I just kind of stood there for a second thinking it might be the dizziness, but I realized I was wrong. I cleared my throat to try and get his attention and he looked up from his kiss and looked me straight in the eye. Right then and there I lost it.
“You fucking piece of shit. To think you loved me.”
“No babe please. I’m so sorry.”
I began walking as fast as I could trying to avoid him trying to find me. I then looked behind me and noticed he wasn’t following me anymore, so I walked for a little bit and found a bench. It was about two in the morning and I had no idea where I was. There was no one in sight and I just sat there in the cold crying. Out of nowhere it began raining which didn’t help either. The only person I could really trust was Niall. I knew he was probably still partying but I decided to try and call him. He surprisingly picked up right away.
“Hello?”
“Niall please come pick me up. Please.”
He was here in a heartbeat. He must have drove back to the house and gotten his car to come get me. When I got in the car he stretched over the passenger seat and gave me a massive hug. I laid my head on his shoulder and just cried there for awhile before he took us home. When I got there Harry was sitting on the couch. He came running over to me trying to get my attention.
“Babe, I’m so sorry please forgive me.”
I didn’t even reply. I just followed Niall down the hall to his room. He gave me some clothes to sleep in since I was soaking wet and I got under his duvet cover and made myself comfortable. He offered to sleep on the couch knowing I had a rough night, but I actually didn’t mind if he staid in bed with me. I crawled over to him and slept in his arms where I was comfortable and just cried a little and vented to him. Before I knew it we both were sound asleep.
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chapter 23
I woke up, still in Niall’s arms and my eyes were rather puffy. I soon heard a groan above me and saw Niall was awake. I shuffled around in the sheets and stretched my arms out. I turned around and smiled at him just to let him know I was grateful to have someone like him there for me.
As I opened the door to the hallway I then felt my stomach turn knowing Harry was just a few steps away and he’d like to ‘talk’. I knew I’d have to face him soon. Niall came behind me and whispered, “Just go. Seriously.” He then opened the door and walked in front of me and went to greet the boys in the living room. I had to think about everything for a second.
Harry has caused me so much pain since I’ve moved to England. I began to realize that. As much as I truly loved him, I felt as if I couldn’t take the pain. What if I turned back to the cutting and depression, just like last time? This time it would possibly be worse knowing I was alone and I had no friends. I had no one to count on. I feel like there the only ones I could go to for anything; especially Niall. And Harry always made me feel so good and warm but then it feels like a stab in the back when I do get hurt.
I came to the conclusion in a matter of two minutes that I needed a break. I really did. So I gathered my things, and put them in the small bag I came with. I went to the mirror and messed around with my hair a little so I didn’t have bed head. I now didn’t feel like going out there and saying ‘I’m done’. Yes, I was for now, but it was still hard.
So I walked down the hall slowly but surely. When I reached them, they all smiled at me, even Harry. I shook my head and walked towards the door. I didn’t want to turn back but I did see in the corner of my eye, Harry getting up from his chair and running after me. I picked up my pace not wanting him to catch up to me. I ran down the stairs and texted my mom as I did telling begging her to come pick me up. I heard Harry shout after me and that’s when I knew it would be hard to look at him so I ran out the door trying to find my mom’s car near.
I finally found her sitting in the car on a street corner not far away. That’s when it hit me, that I wouldn’t be seeing Harry anytime soon. I began trying to hold back my tears. I got to the car door and threw my stuff in and began closing the door, when something tugged at my arm. I turned around, and it was Harry.
“Harry stop.”
“No. No, I won’t let you just leave.”
He began crying. It was hard for me to see, but I knew this was for the best. For me, and for him.
“Harry. Please stop. I need a break from all this. It’s over.”
I then climbed into the passenger seat still desperately trying to close the door when it came to a halt again.
“Harry… Ju-“.
“Just tell me you don’t love me and I’ll go away.”
“This is coming from the one whose been cheating on me and has caused me enough pain.”
“Just answer the god damn question.”
I began to cry again. And I knew I loved him, but….
“Harry. It’s over. Please. Just leave me alone. You’ll find someone better than me. I’m nothing special compared to the girls out there that would kill to be with you. Goodbye.”
Right then and there I shut the door and my mom stepped on it. The whole ride home, all I did was picture those tears in his eyes over and over again in my head.
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I sat on my bed all night just doing nothing. I just couldn’t at the moment. My heart ached for him, but I needed a break from all this. Just then, my phone beeped. I reached over to the nightstand and got my phone. It was a text from Harry:
No one can top my love for you. There’s no one else that’s better or compares to my love for you. I’m truly sorry. -Harry x
Right then I felt as if I made a mistake, but then I kept going back and forth from the pros and cons about Harry and it was killing me.
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chapter 24
I woke up the next morning so tired I couldn’t function. I went to bed around four and it was currently nine in the morning. I walked downstairs desperately searching for coffee and as usual, my mom was on the phone in the living room on some sort of ‘business call’.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m almost done with my coffee and my mom is finishing her call. I heard a loud sigh from the living room and heard her slowly walk into the kitchen. I finished my last sip of coffee and looked up at her standing across the room.
“Honey, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Hm, okay. Go ahead.”
I got up and began preparing myself by cleaning dishes that were in the sink so I didn’t have to sit through her awkward talk doing nothing. And, usually her news was always bad or something I dreaded most at that time in my life. I had my back turned to her as she began to speak.
“So uh, business here in London has been rather slow and not good for the company…”
I gulped rather loudly knowing where she was heading with this conversation.
“And… well… ugh. Whatever honey I’ll just get to the point. We are moving to New York City. For a little while. We can always come back you know.”
I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach and slowly turned around.
“Fine. So, uh.. When are we leaving?”
“Well… uh…….. tomorrow. Don’t stress it. Just pack up most of your room and it will all be sent.”
In a way, I was upset because I adapted to this environment even though it had its ups and downs. Plus, I almost wanted to say goodbye to Harry… even though I knew I should just get over him. I went up to my room and saw that my mom already placed some boxes outside my door in that short period of time. Even though I knew the boys were busy, I took five minutes out of my time to check there website as to where they would be tomorrow. Okay, good. It says there starting there tour in America in two days and are leaving tomorrow. It’s not like I’d see them or anything. I mean they travel 24/7 for this so everything will be just fine…. I hope.
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“Boarding pass please miss.”
The airport today was rather packed with people. Mostly teenage gir- Oh god. I hope it wasn’t what I think it was. My mom’s seat was down the aisle from me so as she got all comfortable I had to try and find my seat. I put my bag in the overhead locker and got out my book I’ve been reading. I tried to block out my surroundings and plugged in my headphones without looking up.
The plane was preparing for lift off so I had to turn off my ipod which resulted in me putting everything under my seat and sitting there staring at my feet. I heard someone clear their throat next to me. I slowly looked up and recognized a certain cologne. My heart began to flutter and my eyes filled with tears. Of course he had to be on this flight.
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chapter 25
Fuck. We were already up in the air by the time I knew it and I had nowhere to run. So, I got up and went to the bathroom without saying a word. I stood in there for a few minutes. The best part about me going to New York was so I could get away from everything that happened and avoid him for now. Well, that was impossible now…
I unlocked the door and slowly walked down to my seat. I saw him looking up at me with those beautiful green eyes and ugh. I just couldn’t handle it. I sat without even saying a word and it got to the point where it was rather awkward since I felt him staring at me and I could hear his breathing.
“Harry… please stop staring at me. Just act like you never knew me.”
“That’s impossible because I love you so..”
It still didn’t fail to make my heart beat just a bit faster. I finally looked at him and it hurt me knowing I can’t really kiss or lay in his arms again. I knew I shouldn’t do this to myself but I know he needed better. It was torture but…
“Seriously. Just stop making this harder than it seems.”
“Your the one that put this upon me. I haven’t slept in two days because I stay up at night realizing how hurt you’ve been and everything you’ve gone through. Remember that night of the dance we went to? You told me about your dad and everything and I saw how much you trusted me. And now I let you down. I know that. Throughout our relationship you suffered through so much and I did nothing. And now I had the nerve to go kiss that girl which was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made because I’ve never felt this way about anyone the way I feel about you. And I really do mean that. I just let you slip through my fingers and it’s all my fucking fault. I’m so sorry. And I know your not going to take me back and I’m okay with it. When you told me that I deserved better, I know I only deserve you but because of everything you’ve been through, you’re the one that deserves better.”
I soon realized I was crying. I couldn’t help it. Ugh he made everything so hard because I really did truly love him more than anything.
“Harry… I can’t help but keep loving you. I always will. I keep running from the fact that I made a mistake breaking up with you. I should be the one saying sorry. I love you.”
Right then and there I just kissed him. It felt real again and I was happy. I knew the two days of crying and trying to talk myself out of being with Harry seemed to be all bullshit now because everything was perfect. We parted from the kiss and for the rest of the flight I just sat in his arms.
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We got off the flight and cameras were everywhere and all the fans had signs such as “Welcome to New York One Direction!” Harry linked hands with me and I then saw Niall taking pictures with fans. For a moment I unlinked hangs with Harry and walked over to Niall. I tapped him on his shoulder and he turned around with a big smile and scooped me up in to a hug. He always gave the best hugs.
“Ugh thank god! I thought you and Harry were over! I know you two can’t be apart. It’s impossible. He loves you too much. Wait… why are you in New York?”
“Oh, well I have to move here for a little while… Ya know. My mom and her stupid business shit.”
“All that matters is your here!”
Again he scooped me up into a big hug and all the boys walked over and hugged me as well telling me they were glad to see me again. I saw my mom ahead already with my luggage. She was motioning me to just stay with the boys so I went along with them. We walked out into the airport parking lot and got into a large van like usual and were taken to their hotel. We immediately had to go to Mcdonald’s because of course Niall was hungry.
Everything was back to normal and better than ever. I was jet lagged and wanted to go to sleep terribly but… I was so happy at the moment I felt as if I didn’t need sleep at all.
